Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Let's have some fun

(Update: this competition is now closed, but you can still enter the draw for a signed copy here)

I came up with the definitive Hal Spacejock title yesterday, although sadly I don't think it'll fly. (Hal Spacejock - Up Uranus)

After HS Second Course and HS Just Desserts, my editor jokingly suggested Port and Cigars next. I promptly came back with 'The Big Bang', then realised that'd be best for book six.

For now, book four is HS Legacy and book five is HS Faulty Parts, which I just KNOW is going to lead to 'Poultry Farts' every time I open my mouth.

Anyway, I played around with 'mint' but was fresh out of ideas. I messed around with 'port' and got a headache. Cigars - well, those jokes have all been done.

That's where the fun comes in. All you have to do is suggest a title for a future Hal Spacejock novel in the comments trail. The wackier the better - they don't have to be remotely useable, I'm just after way-out craziness here.

(E.g. HS: Wrong Port, HS: Full Moon, etc.)

Just get your entry in by August 15, 2006 and I'll select a couple of winners, who will receive a signed copy of Hal Spacejock 1 OR 2 (your choice.)

If you can't think of anything, why not share the link? If someone else wins you can borrow their copy.

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Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)


Anonymous said...

"Pizza Unlimited"
"A Hamburger on Her Own"
"Beef me up, Hal"
"BBQ on the Moon"

Hi Simon, these are my suggestions for today.

Have a nice day.


Anonymous said...

oops, should maybe mean:

"A Hamburger for Her Own"

another one:

"HS: A Treasure called Monday"

Simon Haynes said...

Beef me up? Groan!

Anonymous said...

Now a few of these might be unknown, me being a 'murrican and all.

HS: Listing Two Port

HS: Port of Caul

HS: Wibble Kibble

HS: Stogey Fogie

Anonymous said...

Oops,hit publish instead of preview.

Last one

HS: "As The Stomach Churns"

Simon Haynes said...

I've heard of that one ;-)

In a similar artery, HS: Razors and Knives

Jimi71 said...

HS: A port with no name
HS: Space for rent
HS: Supernova in my pants
HS: Meteor Burger, well done.
HS: Your Port or Mine: The love story
HS: Warp Tour
HS: Sunny Side Up

Take care mate,

Jimi71 said...

In Space, no one needs a telescope.

Couple more:

HS: Saturn a moon, hurt Uranus
HS: Waste of Space
HS: Shuttle Off To Buffalo
HS: Spaced Out
HS: Bull Ship
HS: Ah, Capella
HS: Apple Pi


Simon Haynes said...

Here are a few Port ideas:

Hal Spacejock: Dodgy Port
Hal Spacejock: Star Port
Hal Spacejock: Port Man Tow

A few wacky ones:
Hal Spacejock: Arseteroid
Hal Spacejock: Watch Uranus
Hal Spacejock: Bang to rights

TechTalk on WRLR 98.3 FM said...

HS: Moons Over Purgatory (sounds dead serious that one)
HS: The 7 Light-year Itch (bit of a sports pun)
HS: Clunk goes to College
HS: Where the Spacewalk Ends (apologies to Shel)
HS: Dead at Last (hmmm, perhaps as a closer, say a book 7?)

Got a few more in me I'm sure, will post as they arise!

Gerald Williams said...


If HS: Up Uranus doesn't work how about

HS: Moon Shot

Simon Haynes said...

We're really setting the tone so far. Classy stuff :-)

Hal Spacejock: Junk Clunk
Hal Spacejock: Snatch-22
Hal Spacejock: Bored of the Wings
Hal Spacejock: Fly Hard
Hal Spacejock: Calamity Report
Hal Spacejock: Dumb Radar


Hal 10: The Neverending Story

Simon Haynes said...

Hal's not Carry-on style humour, so I won't actually be using any of the more, er, suggestive titles. Don't worry about whether they work or not - just fire away and try to collect a prize when the dust settles.

I sometimes have to stand up and talk about my books in front of whole rooms full of school kids. Some of these titles would have me talking about my books in a room full of lawyers and judges ;-)

Anonymous said...

Hal Spacejock: Smoky Portal
Hal Spacejock: Malfunctions
Hal Spacejock: Bequest
Hal Spacejock: Heritage

Or, perhaps:
Hal Spacejock: Primogeniture
Hal Spacejock: Genetic Endowment
Hal Spacejock: Birthright


Kevin Jackson said...

Hal Spacejock: After Five
Hal Spacejock: Cheese and Whine

Roger Yates said...

Hal Spacejock: Beyond the Planet of the Zombie Flight Attendants

Anonymous said...

HS: Sticky Parts

Anonymous said...

"Port De Jour"
"Port Snort"
"Port A Let"
"Abort Port"

James said...

HS: Once Upon A Time On Jupiter
HS: The Dummies Guide To Spaceflight
HS: Clunk And The Robot Factory
HS: Time Warp

James said...

HS: Cheesie Moone

Could be a characters name, maybe a love interest?

Anonymous said...

Port Whine
Mint Mien
After Dinner Mint
Is tThat a Bottle of Port in Your Pocket or Are Aou Just Glad to See Me? [I know, you can't use this one. ;-) ]

The Southern Writer said...

Hal Spacejock: Have Ship, Will Travel
Hal Spacejock: Simonized
Hal Spacejock: Ship Happens
Hal Spacejock: Deep Space Probe
Hal Spacejock: I Always Get Where I End Up
Hal Spacejock: Legal Aliens
Hal Spacejock: Probability Factor
Hal Spacejock: Sidekicked
Hal Spacejock: Lyrical Ballads
Hal Spacejock: The Ship Hits the Fan

Anonymous said...

Hal Spacejock: Sub Port

Greg Jones said...

HS: Shrinking Asteroids

Anonymous said...

HS: Free Lunch (with your Heinlein homage, natch)

Anonymous said...


some ideas taking on the food theme.

Hal Spacejock: Subspace Banquet
Hal Spacejock: Food for thought
Hal Spacejock: Stellar Smorgasborg
Hal Spacejock: Chew and Spew
Hal Spacejock: Regurgitated
Hal Spacejock: A bit on the side
Hal Spacejock: Midnight Snack
Hal Spacejock: On a binge
Hal Spacejock: Forced Diet
Hal Spacejock: Hold the Sauce (or Ketchup)
Hal Spacejock: Extra Serve
Hal Spacejock: Out to lunch
Hal Spacejock: Taking Orders
Hal Spacejock: Foot in mouth
Hal Spacejock: Space Cannibals
Hal Spacejock: Eat my Hat (or Helmet)
Hal Spacejock: Gravy Stains

Good to see there are plans for future HS.

Michael H

Anonymous said...

Hi Simon.
It's got to be
"Cheese and crackers."
This happens before Port and definitely before the big bang.
Hope you like it.

Simon Haynes said...

I like some of the zany ideas so far. That last one prompted another:

Hal Spacejock: Seasoned Hackers

James said...

HS: Mastered and Commandeered

Wendpyr said...

How About:

HS: Ala Carte
HS: Rememberance of Black Eternity
HS: Hippo Stew
HS: Piles of Black Holes

Anonymous said...

'WD 40 Junkie'

Mentally Unstable said...

Please don't take any of these seriously! LOL.

Hal SpaceJock: Odds and Sods
Hal SpaceJock: Extra Service
Hal SpaceJock: Topless
Hal SpaceJock: Extroverted
Hal SpaceJock: Useless
Hal SpaceJock: Helpless
Hal SpaceJock: Random
Hal SpaceJock: Nonsense!
Hal SpaceJock: Rabbit Ears
Hal SpaceJock: Purple Puddle
Hal SpaceJock: Stooooooooooooop!
Hal SpaceJock: Embolism >_<
Hal SpaceJock: Wrong Guy!
Hal SpaceJock: It was Like it When I got here!
Hal SpaceJock: Ooops!
Hal SpaceJock: Lemon
Hal SpaceJock: Meow!
Hal SpaceJock: Better than Chocolate

James said...

HS: Saturns Rings
HS: Growling Midget
HS: Brown Sludge

James said...

HS: Supernova Sunrise

James said...

HS: Clunk This!

James said...

HS: Think Stupid

James said...

This is fun!

neonbluedanny said...

"Hal Spacejock! Hal Spacejock! There I said it twice!"

"Stop the Galaxy, I want to get off"

"HS: Next Day Delivery or Whenever"

Simon Haynes said...

HS: My way or bugger off - the Spacejock guide to customer service.

HS: Lousy, late and lost - tales of an interstellar courier.

Anonymous said...

HS Eats and Runs: the Gastro-colic Reflex Strikes Back

James said...

HS: Better Never Than Late
HS: Hard Landings
HS: Shooting Stars

(this is a pun, as in there could be an attempt on a beautiful actresses life and Hal has to protect her).

Deanna Hoak said...

Coffee and Conversation
Caffeine for the Road
I Mint to Do That
Mintal Stimulation

Simon Haynes said...

there could be an attempt on a beautiful actresses life and Hal has to protect her

You haven't met Hal, have you? ;-)

He'd give all the assurances in the galaxy, then order Clunk to protect her.

Mintal Stimulation

And what if the copy-editor goes all the way through the book changing mintal to mental huh? huh? ;-)

HS Eats and Runs

Yes, he does. Usually on someone else's dime.

HS: Supernova Sunrise

That sounds like a euphemism for a truly voluminous spew.

HS: Shrinking Asteroids

Because Space is Cold!

James said...

Shooting Stars

Well at least you get the idea behind the name.....it had to have some other meaning. :)

While I'm here...

HS: Fat Hal
HS: That Attachment Goes Where?

Anonymous said...

HS: Spacedump
HS: Spacejunk
HS: Spacecadets Unlimited

Anonymous said...

HS: Make Mine a Double - Double Awesome
HS: With A Side of Sexy

Anonymous said...

HS: To Ports Unknown


Anonymous said...

khaldun said:

nuff said

Anonymous said...


"The customer is never right"

Anonymous said...

HS: The umpire strikes back
HS: Space Girls
HS: Follow the yellow prick road (don't ask)
HS: Creature from the Black Hole

or simply
HS: Clunk clunk clunk

Anonymous said...

It's probably obvious but maybe I should elaborate on the title Space Girls.
Hal meets five girls, named Hyper Space, Cyber Space, Chilly Space, Back Space and Empty Space.
They are wannabe pilots and Hal is not the right person to teach them how to become one. When they ask him, "Who do you think you are ?", Hal tells them he works for an interuniversal record company, and soon Hal finds out that you can lie too much...

And here are a few more title-suggestions.
HS: Halabaloo
HS: The winner takes it Hal
HS: Chip Shipment

Simon Haynes said...

When Hal meets girls his vocal chords turn to spaghetti. So, they end up saying Goodbye

I like the Umpire Strikes Back - all kinds of gags about sticky wickets and third legs. Then again, there was that DNA book with Krikket which I couldn't finish... and Lucas would probably sue my arse off.

A few more:
HS: Turn of Speed
HS: Moonlight Gonada
HS: Pithing Contest

Mentally Unstable said...

LOL :)

Hal Spacejock: Spacecrock
Hal Spacejock: Oleh haaaaa....

*Enter more intelligent conversation here*



Anonymous said...

You want "Port" in it?
check this:

"HS: Stop or Top"

u see it?

Markus from Florence

James said...

HS: Up The Wormhole Without A Booster.

HS: Space Anomaly (sp)

Polysemous said...

H.S.: Any port in a storm.

Anonymous said...

HS End Of Space

Gabriele Campbell said...

To stay with the HS Goes Postal images.

HS: Fed-hexed

Though they'll probably sue you for that. Well, bad publicity is publicity, too. ;)

Anonymous said...

1st, a somewhat punny title:
Barbers and Hairsay

2nd, a somewhat bunny title:
Rabbitholes and Haresay

3d, a somewhat pony title:
Foal Play

4th, a somewhat phony title:
In space, no one hears your call

Kelly Curtis said...

Hehehe - I'm not nearly clever enough, but I've thoroughly enjoyed your post and comments.