Nanowrimo Progress - day 11

Yesterday (the 11th) was my birthday, but I still managed 2000 words for the day. The graphic above is one of the handy little Nano widgets, and it should keep updating without me having to do anything. Just as well, because I've written 1100 words today and it's nearly 3pm.

Still, that's just over 20,000 words in 12 days, and if I kept this up year-round I'd be able to bash out seven or eight first draft Hal novels a year.

A truly frightening thought.

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

yWriter nominated for an award

yWriter has been nominated for the PricelessWare best free software award. Anyone with a Google login can vote here

If you've never heard of my yWriter software, see here for details.

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

Nano progress II

Reached 12,123 words tonight, with 1714 for the day. It's a bit of a struggle and some of the writing is a bit forced, but the occasional funny gag makes it worthwhile.

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

The Golden Hype award

I think Amazon should institute a new prize: The Golden Hype, awarded for "The highest number of positive reviews for a book which we still don't have in stock."

First place, Hal Spacejock with 7: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/192073189X/

Second prize, Hal Spacejock Second Course with 3:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1921064668/

(Okay, so 3 reviews isn't really hype. Work with me on this one.)

They're not fake reviews, and I like the way some reviewers mention how they got their copies - ordered from Australia, sent over by a relative, picked up on a trip to Antartica ... in fact, every which way except via Amazon, who still don't have the books in stock.

Hal 3 comes out in January, and I'm betting it'll be available before the other two. If not, there's another Golden Hype award in the wings.

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

Nanowrimo progress

It's been a rough start to the month, writing wise, but the whole point of NanoWrimo is that you churn out the daily words whether you feel like it or not.

For the past couple of weeks I've been building an ambitious shelving unit for DVDs, although that's just something I do in rare moments of spare time. (I design and build my own bookcases, each more elaborate than the last. I start with lengths of pine from the local timber supplier and and up with exactly what I want, most of the time. I've been doing this for years, and most of the accessible walls in our house are now covered with bookcases.)

Apart from tinkering with the DVD shelf I also squeeze in 42 minutes on the exercise bike every day. Why so exact? Because I built a laptop shelf for the bike, and 42 mins is the length of most TV shows once they hit DVD. Yes, that's 18 minutes less than watching them on TV, which is the subject of one of my very first blog posts. I can cycle 11km in 42 mins, which is plenty when you're doing it every day.

Anyway, enough of the ancilliary stuff and back to the writing. Last Thursday night I was up until 1:40am and had to get up at 7 the next day, which left me zombie-like from lack of sleep for the whole of Friday. I can scrape by with 7 hours for a couple of nights running, but 4 1/2 is nowhere near enough. I still managed 1500 words on that day, but I daren't re-read them. You need to be fresh to write well, which is rule #1.

On Saturday we took the kids to a local agricultural fair at 11am, got home at 2:30pm zonked out after rides, sideshows and various sugary treats, and then had to rush the eldest daughter to a birthday party for 3pm. Picked her up again at 6pm, and rushed her home just before the inlaws arrived for dinner. Had a good meal and chatted & played games until 10:30pm or so. Kids to bed, and I managed about 1000 words afterwards. It was a good family day and the kids had an absolute riot but it's not one you'd highlight as an example of getting words on paper. Got to bed around 12:30. You need to be single and living in a monastery to write lots, which is rule #2.

Today I pulled out all the stops and wrote 2239 words, which got me back on track. My running total is 8317 words and that's just 183 behind my self-imposed target of 8500. Sometimes you just have to shut the door and get to work, which is rule #3.

Apart from the writing I also applied the last coat of varnish to my DVD shelves and scavenged a full length mirror the neighbours threw out, took it apart, stripped the old paint and helped my eldest daughter apply three coats of navy blue acrylic to the bare timber. It was dry in no time so I gave the glass a good cleaning before putting the whole thing back together. I fitted it to her cupboard door, and while she's not the fairy princess type, is she happy with that mirror or what? Sure, we could have gone out and bought one but it was a whole lot more satisfying to do the job ourselves - and that's rule #4.

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

Another blog to read

Found via Battersblog: 101 reasons to stop writing

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

Writing tip o' the day

So it's your turn to empty the dishwasher, and amongst the sparkly clean knives, forks and plates you come across this plastic doohicky thing you've never seen before.
Normally you'd search the kitchen drawers & cupboards for a similar doohicky so you can put this one with it. However, a writer's time is precious, so here's your time-saving tip for today: Set the plastic jobbie aside for the minute, and when you've finished emptying the dishwasher just chuck the doohicky thing back in again. Hey, not only did you empty the dishwasher, you've now made a start on refilling it!
Repeat this tip until it's someone else's turn to put the stuff away.
And you never heard this tip from me.

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

The things kids say ...

I was playing Lego Star Wars with my youngest daughter yesterday, and after a couple of hours battling through Episode I she finally asked me something which had obviously been troubling her for some time:

Dad, why do they call it a Life Saver when it chops people up?

Neat game, by the way.

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

Talking about showers

(This is a G-rated post, which will probably divide my readers into disappointed and relieved.)

Actually, I want to talk about shampoo. My wife buys the stuff in our house, not because I don't do any shopping but because I never notice when we've run out. That's because I always use the closest bottle-shaped container, be that shampoo, conditioner, bubble bath or mould remover.

So, there I was having my shower, and when I reached for the nearest container it said 'Coal Tar Shampoo'. I rolled my eyes, soapy film and all, and put it down to marketing bods trying to appeal to the survivalist types. Wondering what it REALLY contained, I splurged a dollar-bill-sized amount onto my hand and started to lather.

Well, I can tell you what it REALLY contained: Real fricking coal tar.

Let me divert for just a sec.

As a kid I used to walk to school, and along the way there were many fences painted with creosote. I remember that smell like it was yesterday - or indeed, five minutes ago. As a kid I also used to play on and around train tracks (don't ask), and right now I smell almost exactly like a railway sleeper, and the bathroom has that eau de marshalling yard aroma which comes from years of heavy diesel traffic. Bargain.

As I towelled off I pondered the uses for this wonderful product, and then it hit me: model railway enthusiasts. Don't go buying expensive tins of creosote, just spread Coal Tar (tm) shampoo on your papier mache mountains. Better still, add it to the paste while you're making the things for a really long lasting stench.

Coal Tar (tm) shampoo: redefining 'clean'

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

Metatextual or imagination?

You hear about authors inserting themselves in their books, whether deliberately or not. But how about authors being inserted into cover art without their knowledge? I'll let you be the judge ...





(Neither side of the image has been doctored - they're just merged as-is. In case there's any doubt, I'm the one on the left. The Hal pic came from the cover art of Hal Spacejock Just Desserts.)

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

Make money fast - NOT!

I'm sharing this because some folk seem to think writers dash off a first draft, seek an agent and then wait for the money to roll in.

Over on the Voyager forums someone asked an innocent-sounding question which turned into a bit of a confessional. Quite a few HarperCollins Voyager authors post on the board, so it was interesting to hear their responses.

The question? Something along the lines of "I wonder who took the longest from manuscript finish to publication?"

Karen Miller, author of the Kingmaker/Kingbreaker duology: approx 15 years.
Glenda Larke, The Aware: 14 years (1989-2003) and Heart of Mirage: 16 years (1991-2006)
Russell Kirkpatrick: Across The Face Of the World: 20 years (1985 - 2004), In the Earth Abides the Flame: 19 years (1994-2004), The Right Hand of God: 3 years (2003-2005)

That's just a selection, but you can see that 10-15 years is much more likely than one or two.

And just for reference: Hal Spacejock: 12 years (1994-2005, although I didn't finish the first draft until 1999), Hal Spacejock Second Course: 2002-2006, Hal Spacejock Just Desserts 2003-2007.

I can't speak for the other authors, but my own books have undergone countless rewrites, drafts and polishes during that time. In other words, I wasn't just sitting around for 12 years waiting for a publisher to throw money at me.

So, it takes years to get into print. Big surprise. But what can you do with that information?

First, you should have a long term view, because the publishing industry will still be there when your manuscript is ready.

Second, it doesn't matter whether they publish your first, third or fifth novel. Once in print they'll want to see your trunked manuscripts, so all that effort wasn't wasted. And with your added experience you'll be able to spot the flaws in those unpublished works.

Want to know how I did it? I decided to write fifteen novels in the Hal Spacejock series ... one per year until I hit fifteen. If I still wasn't published by then, I'd give up.

How many novels are you planning to write?

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

Shh, don't tell anyone.

I have no idea whether I'm allowed to show this yet, so I'll assume yes and apologise profusely later.

I just got the cover for Hal Spacejock Just Desserts (book three in the series), and the result is eye catching and rather special:



Nice work, Dion!

In other news, the first print run of Hal Spacejock (book one) is just about gone, and Fremantle Arts have confirmed a second print run. This second printing will feature a brand new Dion Hamill cover to match the rest of the series, so the original version is destined to become @RARE@ if not @MINT@

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

On toast

This is one of those blog posts where I appreciate an underrated food. Yes, humble sliced bread lightly browned on both sides.

Nothing in life is simple, and good toast isn't just a matter of whacking the sliced stuff in the nukifier and slopping on the topping of choice when it pops out again. No, toast has to be done right.

First, you need one technique for real bread (which doesn't need toasting anyway - better fresh) and another for the stuff you get in gaudy plastic bags with the little plastic doohicky and an expiry date about a week in the future.

This post is about the latter.

First, let me describe the different kinds of toast. The worst kind, to me, is a slice which is spread with marge the instant it hit the plate. The problem here is that the huge amount of heat in the bread melts all the marge, the bread collapses and you end up with a damp flannel with chewy edges. Yuk.

Better is a slightly cooled slice which holds its shape, where the heat softens the marge (or butter, if that's your thing) and which goes CRUNCH when you bite it.

There's a reason they invented toast racks, you know, and it wasn't just so you could stand it all in a neat row. See, the bread still contains a load of moisture after toasting, and if you lay the stuff on a plate it'll just make a damp spot. Yuk again.

I'm a four slice guy, so four slices go into the toaster, which has the dial set to 3/4. Once they pop I leave them to cool for about five minutes. Is it ready after that?

Hell no.

Set the dial to 1/4 and give the toast another dose. This will dump more of the moisture and give you that all-important crunch. Incidentally, bis cuit is french for cooked twice, and biscuit toast is just how I like it. (If you use thin bread adjust the times downward or you'll end up with particle board.)

Remove the toast and - vital - make a tent on your plate with the slices. If you have a toast rack, great, but this works just as well. Let it cool for a couple of minutes and THEN do the spreading.

Now a note on the bread. For years I've worked my way through sliced loaves, always leaving the endy bit on top to keep the upper slice fresh. Once I reached the end of the bag, into the bin it went, along with both of the endy bits.

A week ago, facing endy bits or no toast, I slung them into the machine. POW! Best toast ever. Now I hoard those endy bits for special occasions.

Must go - the toast just popped and today I have three endy bits to enjoy.

(And if you have a toast method you wish to share, feel free to comment. Maybe we can start a PAHBB society - People for the Appreciation of Hot Browned Bread.)

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

Asimov Classic?

On my Hal Spacejock site I have a few pages dedicated to classic SF authors - for example, William F Temple. After I first put the pages up I soon discovered the one on Isaac Asimov was the highest ranked on Google Australia, which prompted me to remark at an SF convention that given I was now Australia's formost authority on Asimov I'd better put some actual content on the page.

Today, according to my server logs, over 200 people arrived at my site after searching google, MSN, Yahoo and so on for 'Asimov Classic' and 'What is an Asimov Classic?'

Nice to have all those visitors, but what exactly set them off? (Wacky suggestions in the comments trail welcome.)

update: Another 150 or so overnight.

update #2: Two days later and they're still coming. Maybe it was a crossword with a million dollar prize?

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

PRESS RELEASE – Simon Haynes joins JJLA

Australian SF/Humour writer Simon Haynes has joined the John Jarrold Literary Agency. Simon’s first two HAL SPACEJOCK novels have been published by Fremantle Arts Centre Press. Featuring an inept interstellar cargo pilot, HAL SPACEJOCK hit the bestseller list at Dymocks (one of the big two bookselling chains across Australia and New Zealand) on release, and is outselling major SF and Fantasy authors in specialist bookshops. A second printing is expected soon, and together with its sequel, HAL SPACEJOCK SECOND COURSE, it has gained these reviews, amongst many others:


"Fast, funny, quirky, enthralling comedy adventure; not just a genre parody but a well-made story in its own right, told with a light, deft touch. Better than RED DWARF!"
Tom Holt

"A dizzying ride, lurching from planet to planet and crisis to crisis as Hal bumbles his way through meetings with inept assassins, murderous rich guys, gullible officials and a bailiff with a very nasty robot. Blithely oblivious to the havoc he causes, quite astonishingly incompetent, and someone I wouldn't trust to use my toaster without a fire-extinguisher and a team of firemen standing by, Hal Spacejock is one of the most memorable figures in sci-fi. It'll never be high literature, and it's unlikely to make the classics list, but who cares when it's this much fun? A book to be enjoyed over and over again."
Joules Taylor – SF Crowsnest reviewer

"The quirkiest genre satire to hit bookshelves since Terry Pratchett's Discworld"
The West Australian

"Riddled with slapstick humour and glib one-liners"
Courier Mail, Brisbane


'Having published a number of humorous writers,' said John Jarrold, 'I was taken by Simon's storytelling and the fact that he really likes his characters. Together with a great sense of wit, that makes him a winner in my view.'

You can visit the Hal Spacejock website here

John Jarrold has run three science fiction and fantasy imprints in the UK since 1988 - Orbit Books, Legend Books (Random House) and Earthlight (Simon and Schuster) - and edited many well-known authors.

Contact John Jarrold for further information: http://www.sff.net/people/john-jarrold/

3rd September 2006

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

Read this if you want to get an agent/get published

Miss Snark has just started analysing REAL query letters and REAL first pages from fiction submissions on her blog.

See the mistakes people make. See what puts an agent off quicker'n a malfunctioning coffee percolator. Stop reading my blog and go and look at hers instead

If you have any intention of getting an agent or getting published, read them all. Now.

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

No news is good news

I've been flat out recently, and one of the things I'd like to talk about is a school visit I did to the Bunbury Primary School. They invited me down to talk to the kids about writing and publishing as part of National Literacy Week.

When I've visited schools in the past I've mostly talked about my background and how I came to write the books. This time I thought I'd do something more useful so I designed a story planning worksheet and printed enough for all the kids - around 300 all told.

I blanked out all the terms on these worksheets except for the first letter (e.g. C for Character) and let the kids guess them. It kept them interested and some got them right straight away. Then I got them to write down their own data next to each term - for example, the character's name.

I'm not a teacher by any means, but they all seemed interested and I understand some of them were motivated enough to make a start on the stories they'd planned.

I spoke to years 3 to 7, seven classes in a row, and as the ages went up I made sure to include more info. For example, I included info about literary agents, editors and submitting to publishers.

By the way, on a similar note (but involving a somewhat older age group) I'll be doing readings from Hal Spacejock books 1-3 at Edith Cowan Uni this Friday for their regular Lunchlines event.

And what about the title of this blog post? I can't say yet, but you can speculate all you like in the comments trail. (It is writing related news.)

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

A reality check - meeting famous authors

Spotted at the library yesterday: a flier for an Andy Griffiths book signing today. (Andy's the author behind the Zombie Bums books, amongst others, and each of his new books regularly hits the childrens bestseller lists.) Wouldn't you know it, my kids are away with their grandparents for the weekend.

Still, I figured I'd go along, pick up a couple of books for my kids and perhaps give Andy a copy of Hal as a gift.

I got there at five to two and there's a queue of kids about a mile long, all of them clutching Andy Griffiths books. I saw tatty copies, new copies, covered copies and several which looked like they'd just come from a school library. While I sat and envied, a lady nearby asked me what was going on. "Just a book signing," I said casually, as if every book signing attracted two-three hundred people.

Fifteen minutes later the line hadn't got any smaller, so I left to do some errands. Just before I left though, the lady's companions had come back, and one had a nephew or grandson who sounded like the perfect reader for a Hal Spacejock book. Happy that someone was going to get it, I personalised the copy I was holding and handed it over.

For some time I've been after a high definition set top box with a hard drive recorder, because time shifting is the perfect solution to annoying ads. Unfortunately Saturday shopping hours were slipping away so I hurried off to find what I needed. (Only gas stations, convenience and hardware stores are open Sunday in Western Australia.)

By the time I'd found what I needed it was ten to four, and I was nine minutes drive from the shopping centre. I suddenly realised the signing would probably go for two hours, and if I hurried back I might just get those books signed after all. So, back I went, hauling a spare copy of Hal from the trunk, and there was the author sitting at his table with just one child in the line. I couldn't have timed it better with a stopwatch ... packing up was literally in progress.

I nipped in and chatted to Andy's publicist while he was signing books, and asked whether I could give him a copy of Hal. She spotted the 'Better than Red Dwarf' comment on the cover and said Andy was a Red Dwarf fan, and would probably like something to read on the flight home. Done deal. (I personally wouldn't read about a crash-happy pilot like Hal just before climbing aboard a jet, but there you go.)

I didn't stop to chat long because everyone looked like they were ready to cut and run, but Andy took the time to draw cartoons in the copies of his books I'd bought for my kids, and he got me to personalise the copy of Hal for him. I didn't mention crash-happy pilots at all.

Tell you one thing - I won't forget that huge line of kids waiting patiently to get their books signed. Apparently the average number of people turning up to signings is four, so that two hundred covers about fifty complete no-shows ;-) (I've never done a signing for Hal books, but I've had a secondary launch at a con which didn't.)

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

Don't buy this book either ...

... and for twice as many reasons as last time. I was just looking at the Hal Spacejock listing on amazon.co.uk when I spotted the following entry amongst the third party sellers:





"Nice Book" it says. It'd want to be more than nice for almost four thousand Australian dollars. And I thought the copy listed on Amazon.com for US$1985.01 was overpriced.

Just wait until they list Hal Spacejock Second Course. You'll need the GDP of a small country to pick up a copy.




.

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)

Do not buy this book.

Well, not this particular copy anyway (note - this is NOT a doctored image):



(See the third one? Think there might be a decimal point in the wrong place?)

Here's the original listing, although it might change real soon now.

Simon Haynes is the author of the Hal Spacejock and Hal Junior series (Amazon / Smashwords / other formats)